Anton’s Big Tokyo Trip: Part 2 - Crossing the Threshold to SOD Land

So, now we’ve reached Part 2 of this wild weekend in Tokyo. The meeting with Mao hasn’t worked out, but I’ve learned enough from the experience to make future fan meets in Tokyo work. And I still have the night ahead of me, with the sun not even setting as I take the opportunity presented from the fan meet’s absence in my schedule to check into my hotel by Okubo station.

Wait, sorry, hold on, let me switch back to the right tense. Zzzzzzt!

Ah, there we went. All seemed good to me.

Wait, I… Ah, whatever.

Anyways, my hotel was right next to the Kabukicho neighborhood of Tokyo. You all might think, given the name, that this place would be filled to the brim with Kabuki theaters, but in fact I don’t think there’s a single one of those in the neighborhood. Is there? Leave a comment down below if you’ve seen one. I certainly haven’t.

What is there though is a smorgasbord of adult entertainment venues. Bars, clubs, shops, you name it, it’s there, and the tall, burly touts on the street will make sure you know it. You all might know Kabukicho as the basis for Kamurocho in the Yakuza video game series, and having recently started those games myself I can confirm that the real-life Kabukicho bears more than a passing resemblance to the game world’s Kamurocho, up to and including a certain type of female NPC that line the streets of the game’s neighborhood. As with Kiryu, they never walked up to me, but they are apparently enough of a presence that my hotel had a special sign out front barring their entry, which I found thoroughly amusing.

I had some time, so I decided to walk around the streets to get an idea of where everything was. And while some touts came up to me, I was able to politely decline their offers as I took pictures of the one monument I’m sure Kamurocho does not have: Godzilla!

Yes, there’s a massive Godzilla statue at an all-night movie theater in Kabukicho, and I don’t just bring that up to gush about my geeky interests with you all. Rather, if you want to find SOD Land, but can’t use your phone and don’t have a map on you, you can use the Godzilla statue to get there. You just need to find the beeg, beeg boi, and then once you are facing him and on the street where he’s at, simply turn left, and if you keep going down that street (with a slight curve by a car park), you’ll eventually see SOD Land on your right. Don’t mistake the Godzilla mural for the Godzilla statue though (they are both at the same building but on different sides), or you’ll get lost. You’ll know you’re facing the right statue if, when you turn around, you can see the famous gateway to Kabukicho that you’ve probably seen in countless montages of the Tokyo nightlife.

But anyways, by that car park where the curve is there is also a vending machine, where I got a drink that I ended up spilling on my mask, prompting me to hastily run to a convenience store to get a new one. I know that COVID has largely died down, but I wanted to enter SOD Land with a mask. Firstly, even without worrying about COVID, it’s still cold and flu season, and in those packed Kabukicho streets, I wasn’t taking any chances. But secondly and more importantly, I wasn’t sure if SOD Land would let me in without a mask. They need to prioritize their staff’s healthiness, after all, and even if entering maskless was okay, I figured wearing one would show that I also took the staff’s healthiness seriously. In those Kabukicho streets I saw how most of the Japanese people were wearing masks, but none of the foreigners were, and I figured hey, when in Rome, as they say.

So I soon found myself with a fresh mask standing outside SOD Land and waiting for June (it’s always important to show up to appointments just a little bit early). I took some pictures of the store front, and, when a tout came out with a sign, of said sign (I asked for his permission first, of course). And then I saw her. No, not June, but another woman, through the glass doors, walking down the stairs towards the front desk of the establishment.

She was tall, tall and elegant, especially in the heels she wore that made her tower over the other staff. And with her glittering dress and sparkling eyes, she looked like the sort of figure who’d walk into a private detective’s office and ask for help in a husky, silken alto. Like Charlotte Rampling or Lauren Bacall, and I confess the mere sight of her made me stare for just an instant, though the instant lasted long enough for her to notice me and grin, clearly aware of the effect her beauty had on me. We nodded at one another before she went back upstairs, and I exhaled a puff of air, shaking my head. Jesus, what a woman, I thought. Soft lips and lithe legs, I didn’t know who she was, but I knew it would be difficult to maintain my composure if I ever ran into her in the shop. Thankfully though I at least had enough composure to not drool all over myself right then, and soon June arrived before I could even wonder if I’d see this mysterious woman again.

June looked lovely, and I felt somewhat underdressed in their presence. I also completely failed to notice or compliment their new boobs, which was especially embarrassing in hindsight since I remembered June discussing them the last time we’d met. So, uh, yes. If you’re reading this, June, I’m terribly sorry about that. I can see from the pictures you posted on Twitter that your new boobs look great. I hope they also feel great. But, uh, anyways!

June and I exchanged greetings and chatted for a bit before going inside and entering the wonderful world of SOD Land. On the first floor there was the front desk and the backroom for staff. We weren’t allowed to take pictures, but there’s a vending machine there where you can purchase various SOD Land merchandise, and if you don’t have any coinage on you, they can put it on your tab. I sadly did not purchase anything that night, since I couldn’t imagine bringing any of the items back to my apartment without a few gossipy obaa-chans noticing, but as I stared at my surroundings, trying to take it all in, June went to the front desk to check our reservation.

Now, something important to note, that June took the time to explain to me then as the staff showed us a menu of the hours, is that you pay by the hour. There’s an initial fee for one hour in the store, and you can then spend clams for an extension of another hour, and another and another, if you’re so inclined. I’d been told by June beforehand that two hours were a good timeframe to aim for, so my first instinct was to pay for two hours upfront, but June recommended I instead pay for one hour, and then have the extension added to my tab. It’s better to be in a position where you need more time but can pay for it, rather than paying upfront for time you end up not using, after all. Also, this is a double-edged sword, but unlike at certain other establishments, you won’t get someone calling or coming up to you to let you know when your time is up. You’ll simply pay for the hours once you decide to leave. So after June explained all that, I went with the one hour option, and the staff set out filling out the paperwork.

At this point I noticed some business cards on the front desk. One set was for SOD Land itself, while another was for an organization I didn’t recognize. I asked June if they knew this organization, and with a laugh they said that it was one that they worked with sometimes in their duties as a tour guide.

“Oh!” I exclaimed, and decided to pocket a card for posterity, just in case I had need of it in the future. And as June explained that everything was all sorted, we received our wristbands. Yes, at SOD Land you get these wristbands like you would at your local County Fair or 4-H event or whatever it is you Commonwealth folks who lived in the countryside did to amuse yourselves as wains. You put them on and there’s a QR Code on them, which the staff will scan every time you order something on the menu so they can put everything on your tab.

With the reservation and wristbands ready, June asked me where I wanted to go first. I figured the best course of action would be to work our way up, so I said the basement, and soon enough we were off downstairs. As per usual in such a place, I had to watch my head as I descended, when, suddenly remembering something, I smacked my head with my palm and asked June a question.

See, for those of you who don’t remember, when I visited Shimiken, he said that I would be perfect for JAV, but specifically in the “lolly” genre. At the time I wasn’t entirely sure what he meant by that. It could mean anything from “This is Karen Yuzuriha, who’s 4’10”, and this is Anton Algren, who’s almost two full feet taller than that, and let’s look at the size difference between them as we watch them fuck.” Or it could mean… something else. Something that I found the mere thought of deeply unappealing. If anyone could clarify my confusion, it would be June, so I asked them what Shimiken might have meant, and June confirmed my absolute worst fears about his meaning.

So, for those of you who may still be wondering “Hey, when are we gonna see Anton make his JAV debut?” the answer is “Never.” Hell will freeze over before I make that kind of content. I don’t normally like to yuck people’s yums, but in this case, I feel entirely justified in doing so. That sucrose and corn syrup flavoring on a stick style of content is not simply one that decidedly turns me off, but one that makes me feel just plain lousy in my soul. So it’s not happening. Now if Sumire Mizukawa were to invite me onto her Onlyfans…

Haha, kidding, I’m kidding. Much as I would love for that to happen, I don’t think it’s really on the cards. But I hated to end this article on such a downer note, so I hope these images of Emiri Momota will serve as a cheerful conclusion to this chapter, and tide you all over as you wait for the real, red meat of these articles.

To be continued! (Man, I’ve always wanted to say that!)