Meeting Sumire Mizukawa as a Literal Giant (with a stomach bug)

Our story does not get off (yes, haha) to a good start. Since Trend Kansai (where I went to the AIKA fan meet) was kind enough to let me reserve a ticket, I assumed that Kaitori Max (where I went to the Mao Hamasaki fan meets and where I hoped to attend this event), would also be so obliging. However, when I called the Nipponbashi KT Max to reserve a ticket for this Dogma event, I was denied. They were adamant that I had to physically go to the store to get a ticket before the event, and, given how I live in the middle of nowhere, this wasn’t a trip that I could make very easily.

To make matters worse, my friend in Osaka, who could physically buy me a ticket, was out of town that week on business. I was also unable to take any days that week off from work, which meant that I would only be able to get to the store on the Friday night before the event. And with only 50 tickets, my chances were slim. I discovered that night that the bus to the city is pressurized, like an airplane, and so after the three-hour ride to the store, I felt thoroughly sick, like my head had been squeezed by a vice. Combine this with the sheer exhaustion from a hard day’s work and traveling, and you get me shambling into the Nipponbashi store barely cognizant and awake. As you might have expected, I was sadly too late to get a ticket. They were all sold out, and there was now no way for me to attend the event. If that had been the end of my story, it would have been quite a downer. However, as I said, that was only the start. For you see, I had anticipated this exact outcome, and had developed a Plan B in its eventuality. Let’s rewind.

      
Some pictures from the Dogma event

After my phone call with the Nipponbashi store, I went to the KT Max website, to see what possible options I had, what loopholes there might be to help me get a ticket, when what should I stumble upon but this event? I was genuinely surprised, since there had been no mention of Sumire having an event the following week, either on her social media or the website I use to find these events (there is now, funnily enough, but at the time it simply wasn’t there). But my bus trip for the Dogma event would put me in Osaka just in time to be first in line for a ticket to the Namba Sumire event. And if I managed to get tickets to both events, sure, that would put me above my travel retainer budget, but not so much as to break the bank. So, if I couldn’t get a ticket to Dogma, at least I would have a consolation prize in the form of a ticket to a fan meet I wanted to attend even more.

Sure enough, despite failing to get a Dogma ticket, I was able to secure a ticket to the Sumire fan meet, and as I walked triumphantly out of the Namba store, I was happy that I’d been able to make the most out of a not-so-great situation. Now, so long as no force majeure reared its ugly head, like Sumire getting sick or me getting sick or a train delay or anything else, I would be able to attend this fan meet without a hitch on the following Saturday.

Thursday night I ate some meat that I thought was properly cooked.

Now, I should make it clear, I don’t think it was anything as major as salmonella. I was still mobile, and I still had leftover Biofermin from when I’d eaten some bad eggs a while back. But when, Friday morning, I began to feel serious pain in my bowels, and when Friday afternoon the pain only increased, I worried about how well I’d be come Saturday morning. Also, as luck would have it, the bus tickets for that Saturday morning were all sold out, which meant that the only way to get to Osaka in time without going wildly over budget was to take the rickety, one-car local train that went along winding mountain paths and left the station at 6:30 AM.

As you might have guessed, I was in a bit of a funk when I woke up bright and early on Saturday. But even so, I showered, shaved, and dressed up well before going to the bathroom (an unpleasant experience), and getting on the train. The first hour was not so bad, but by the second my stomach was starting to feel funny, and by the third I dared not let loose any farts, for dreadful fear of them turning into something worse. As soon as I arrived at Osaka station, I hobbled over to the nearest bathroom and relieved myself, and after that I genuinely felt better. So much better, in fact, that it felt like the worst was over. So because of that, because I’d skipped breakfast, and because I was pressed for time, I decided to grab a quick bite to eat at the Taco Bell that was just next door.

In hindsight, this was not the best decision.

Now look, I know what you’re all going to say. How could I eat something so greasy just as I was coming down from a stomach bug? Even under normal circumstances that isn’t the best stuff to put in your body. And I know what you’re all wondering. Did I... y'know... in front of Sumire Mizukawa?. [Editor’s note: I’m not wondering that.] Well… “sigh”, just… read on. [Editor’s note: Please dear god no.]

By the time I had charged my phone and made it to Namba, I was running a bit late. I had to jog to get the ice cream that has become my trademark gift, and then to reach the Namba store in time. And, well, given how jogging isn’t exactly good for a sensitive stomach situation, by the time I actually made it to the store, I was starting to feel a little… funny.

A word about the Namba KT Max store. It’s big, even bigger than the Nipponbashi store, and WAY bigger than the Trend Kansai store. It’s so big, even, that I could probably write a whole article just talking about the store and its layout. But for the purposes of this article, I want to point out two distinguishing characteristics. Firstly, there are escalators (very nice), and there are also cardboard cutouts of famous actresses to greet you as you go up the escalators (even nicer). Honestly, a part of me wished I could take one of those cardboard cutouts home with me, but, uh, good luck sneaking that into my apartment.

The other unique thing about the Namba KT Max store is that, while the Nipponbashi store has a whole floor dedicated to fan meets, and Trend Kansai cordons off an area for such events, the Namba store only has a small room. There are no seats for people to wait on. You have to stand in a line that goes up the stairs to the next floor. One guy even got into a bit of an argument with staff because he was tired and decided to sit on the steps, despite this being frowned upon. Honestly, I didn’t mind standing. It’s easier to hold it in that way. But as I was standing, I did notice that something was beginning to bubble forth from within me. A light pang at first, not so bad. But then the longer I stood, the longer I waited, the harder it became to ignore.

Two more tangents, before I continue. Firstly, I managed to strike up a conversation with the guy behind me, which helped distract me from… you know. And to my surprise I discovered that he wasn’t actually a Sumire fan. He was simply an amateur photographer, trying to build up a portfolio, who had come to the event to take some pictures of Sumire since it was cheaper than hiring a professional model. I was surprised at first, but upon reflection it makes sense. You only need to buy one DVD (about $30) to take pictures of the actress. And since she’s already a pro at posing, all you really need to do is snap shots within a limited span of time, which is a skill many photographers probably want to practice. Given how many men I’ve run into at these events with really nice camera equipment, I have to wonder how common the kind of guy I chatted with is at AV fan meets.

Secondly, because the Namba store is so big, and right in the heart of downtown Osaka, it was packed with customers. Yet not a single one of them would acknowledge those of us who were waiting in line to see Sumire. I’m a tall, foreign man. I’m used to people at least noticing me in this country, but the regular customers refused to look up at us, keeping their gazes cast down whenever they passed us by. It was kind of eerie, especially since we’re all here because we like smut, right? Why are we shaming each other for liking the same thing? Maybe that’s not the reason, but that is what it felt like, and it did make me scratch my head.

But anyways, by the time it was my turn to enter the room, I confess, I was starting to feel a little, erm, queasy. Green around the gills, even. I suddenly wondered if my holding in of farts would result in the storm that was brewing inside me to go up instead of down, and I started to panic, which only made things worse. Not helping was the fact that, I confess, I was nervous at meeting an actress that I am such a fan of. So you combine my general biliousness with my worrywart personality and you get a me that is just barely hanging on as I walk through the door and say hello to Sumire.

She, for her part, was really lovely. I suppose, because she’s been to America and Europe, Sumire’s first reaction to me was NOT the shock that I am used to. But she did compliment me on my height, and she laughed out loud (another Americanism she’s picked up) at the sight of the comic I gave her to sign. It’s always difficult to tell when you encounter a public figure as a fan whether their reaction to your gestures are genuine or they’re just being polite (and I try not to think about it too hard), but I do feel on some level that Sumire was really charmed by my comic, just as I remain genuinely thankful for her signed message on it.

As she was signing though, she excitedly asked me what plans I had, now that I was here in the big city. How could I tell her? How could I say that at that moment all I wanted to do was curl up at a conbini, take a Biofermin, and rest until my bus ride home? I mumbled out something noncommittal, and Sumire was shocked. Surely there was something I wanted to do in Osaka? Some place I wanted to go? My stomach churned, and I thanked my mask for hiding any flinches I may have otherwise shown.

During the snapshot section of the meet, Sumire’s manager asked me why I was mashing the camera button so quickly. I explained that during my first fan meet, the manager had barked at me to mash faster, and so I’d gotten into the habit of that. Sumire and her manager laughed at that. I did too. But then laughing hurt. Oh, geez, my bowels were not in the best shape.

Sweat began to trickle down my brow as Sumire’s manager set up the glass wall for our photo shoot together. COVID restrictions have eased in Japan, but they haven’t completely disappeared. I think, like me, most people here are cautiously optimistic about COVID, and are still taking some precautions, if the fact that we were all wearing masks at the event is any indication. However, there was one slight problem with this glass wall. It was too short. So, even though Sumire asked me to remove my mask (wanting to see my face), for safety reasons, I would have to squat when the manager took our picture.

In an instant, a thousand possibilities raced through my mind as I considered my options. Did I have the strength left? Could I muster both containment of the storm (now a raging hurricane) and a calm, passable smile all while squatting? Well, I didn’t have much of a choice. There was no other way I was getting my picture taken with Sumire. So, tightening my whole body, I settled into a horse stance, muscles clenched and face contorted in the best grin I could manage. I will not release. I will not release. Those words became a mantra I repeated in my head as the manager adjusted the camera for what felt like an eternity, before at last, the session was done, I could stand, and Sumire got a good look at my face.

Grinning, she said that I was very handsome, and I sheepishly thanked her before saying goodbye and making my leave. And, now, I know what you all are probably typing angrily at me. Sumire Mizukawa called me handsome and kept asking me what I wanted to do in the city, and I didn’t flirt back with her? I didn’t shoot my shot and ask her out or anything? And I hear you, I do. I’m sure my course of action infuriates many of you. But you gotta understand. At that moment, all I could think about was that mantra. I will not release. I will not release. And I didn’t! I was able to keep it all in, even as my insides were screaming for me to give up. So yeah, maybe Sumire thinks that I was a boring, awkward guy. But I would rather her remember me as someone who was nice but boring, than as someone who... y'know... in front of her.

As I hustled/hobbled away, I could hear Adele’s “Right as Rain” playing on the store speakers. And as I hastened towards the nearest toilet, I chuckled to myself, glad that in the end, things had turned out just that way. In the end, despite the hardships I’d faced, my meeting with Sumire went right as rain, and not the chocolate kind (no, not that chocolate rain, the other one).

Addendum: I’ve started a GoFundMe to raise money to attend the Asia Adult Expo, which is basically the Asian equivalent of the Adult Entertainment Expo. This is an event that I would really love to attend and cover for the site, but which will cost way more than the travel retainer ZENRA is kind enough to give me. I know it’s a lot to ask you all to contribute, but any little bit really does help, so thank you to anyone who can give any amount.