Sometimes you really wonder "What were they thinking" when it comes to JAV covers. A bad cover can really sink your film before it even has a chance to land in your customer's hands. There can be many factors in determining a bad cover. Some examples include excessive text, ugly or bland imagery, or just awful photoshopping. Most of my choices feature the first two elements. For this post, I will be going in order counting all the way down in order to my personal least favorite cover ever. Now with that introduction out of the way, let's begin!

10. HODV-21431

"Want To Have...The Best Masturbation and SEX?"

Don't get me wrong. I realize it's a rather inoffensive cover. But damn is it so dull and uninspired. A cover should entice a potential customer and catch their attention but this does neither. I understand the central premise is relatively straightforward but still, it's just a simple shot of her sitting on a plain bed. The back cover is okay at least with some decent action shots. But the front is pretty forgettable and does very little to catch your attention. How is the actual video itself? It's not half-bad actually. As you may suspect the whole theme centers around POV. All the scene scenarios are rather vanilla but they get the job done. 

There's a fair bit of variety when it comes to the action. Throughout its 2 hour plus runtime you're treated to 2 sex scenes, a footjob scene, a blowjob scene, and a solo masturbation scene. Even the solo scene is decent thanks to some nice lighting and Sakura looking stunning. The rest of the scenes are all terrific in their own right. One reason why is the superb lighting which I mentioned earlier. The lighting in general is very soft and helps to accentuate her curves very nicely. Another highlight is her excellent performance. She's super expressive and boasts great energy which is always key for POV films. Despite the uninspired cover, this is a really nice video sure to please any POV lovers out there.

9. JUY-335

"Yumi Kazama In A Visit To Fukuoka A Nookie Galore Fan Thanksgiving Day!!"

Do you know what this cover needs more of? More words and graphics. That would really spruce it up. I really detest covers like this that feel the need to fill every single empty space with text. Now I don't know what all the text says but I'm nearly 100% certain most of it is unnecessary. I mean you have the full synopsis/title at the very bottom, what more do you really need? They could easily cut out most of the text and the random pic of her on the side. All you need to convey your point is to have Yumi Kazama in a bikini along with a shot of a DVD store. But instead, they muck it up with too much nonsense. Hell, even the back cover suffers from the same issue. How does the actual film hold up? Not well sadly.

A fan thanksgiving film starring Yumi Kazama should be a slam dunk but unfortunately, it doesn’t quite deliver the goods. As you can probably guess the central premise revolves around her visiting fans in their homes and in a DVD store. Now what  I can say is that her performance is solid but that’s about it. I hate to say it but her appearance and body have seen better days imo. But more than that the action is incredibly lackluster and suffers from some of the worst censoring I’ve ever seen. I say that because in the scene at the DVD store they blur out literally everything but Yumi and the actor’s bodies. It’s awful and completely ruins the scene. The other scenes border on forgettable and average. Definitely leaves you wanting more.

8. NEO-638

"I Want To Lick And Slurp The Face Of A Beautiful Woman"

While it's not the worst offender on my list, it's still a rather unpleasant cover. I've lamented my distaste for licking focused JAV films before so one look at this cover should be enough to figure out why it's here. Seeing two guys licking Akari's face like a damn puppy is such a massive turn-off. Not to mention her extremely uncomfortable facial expression. Then of course there are several shots of her on the back cover being licked too. I just don't understand the appeal of this theme. To be quite honest I find it disgusting. But who knows, maybe the video itself will be good? Well, that answer is a resounding no.

To be perfectly blunt, this video is complete garbage. There are only about 15 minutes of actual sex throughout its entire 2 hours plus runtime. The rest of the film focuses on handjobs, some solo masturbation, and an absolutely disgusting scene of 2 guys licking her face for 20 minutes straight (it's the cover shot). And as expected every single scene features a heavy emphasis on over-the-top kissing and licking. I can't stand it honestly. The production values feel pretty cheap too with bland lighting and set designs. Her performance is lackluster as well as she takes a more submissive stance here which isn't what she's best at. I never want to watch this again. It firmly belongs in the trash.

7. BDA-045

"Bermuda 5th Anniversary Variety Special The Bald Woman"

One look at the cover will probably tell you why this video is here on my list. It's become somewhat of a meme within the JAV community. Even so, it's still a terrible cover. I'm sure a few folks out there may like this cover if they have a...bald fetish I guess. This bald look is just so unattractive and is a massive turn-off. I mean she looks like a damn alien for crying out loud. And all the shots of her on the back cover don't fare any better either. This cover does get your attention though I'll give it that. But it's not for a good reason. This is usually where I critique the film itself and see if it's actually worthwhile despite the bad cover. Well, it should come as no surprise that I hated this video.

The plot tasks Yui with playing a married woman who ends up getting all her hair shaved off and then she gets forcibly fucked. That's a brief summary of the plot. I know there's probably more to it but truthfully I can't be bothered with analyzing it too deeply. It’s really just all-around unpleasant to watch. There’s one sex scene here that is somewhat decent. But everything else is unwatchable. Whether it be the first scene with her fingering the guy’s asshole or the sex scene in which her hair is cut while getting fucked. I guess if you’re into heavy humiliation-type plots and shaved heads you may like it. Otherwise, just stay away.

6. SNIS-217

"Gross Guys on Hot Babes!"

I'm sure some of you guys out there may enjoy this cover but I am definitely not one of them. This fetish certainly has its fans but it's very niche which is probably why the series, in particular, has been retired from S1. I do understand the appeal to an extent with seeing an attractive woman having sex with...well, ugly and gross-looking actors. Now as for the cover itself I will admit the shot of Tia herself is quite nice especially with her glistening body. But seeing these ugly guys "oogling" her body is a turn-off. Plus the back cover with the shots of them spitting in her mouth is just flat-out disgusting. But is the video itself any good? Well, that very much so depends on personal feelings towards this "kimomen" theme.

I reckon if you're a fan of this theme then you'll love this one. Many of the scenes feature the actors licking and kissing her all over. I find it rather gross but to each their own. The actual sex itself is okay at best. There are 2 full sex scenes with one being a group scene that fares well enough that proved to be my favorite out of the bunch. The other scenes consist of a handjob scene and a scene of her humiliating the actor by pissing on him, physically abusing him, and having him eat his own cum. The pacing is very unbalanced too as that particular scene lasts about 40 minutes. I don't have much else to say. You know what to expect from this. If you enjoy this theme then go for it, otherwise, it's a big pass.

5. DASD-419

"An Offline Fuck Filming Session A Famous Sadist Tanned Gal Cosplayer AIKA"

Where do I even start with this cover? This thing suffers from multiple issues landing it firmly on this list. Now one thing I do like is the purple color used for the font. It looks nice and compliments her wig. But that's where the pleasantries end I'm afraid as the rest of this cover is just awful. First off is the misspelling of the word "teasing". The second issue is that the background is the same color as her skin tone. Not a wise choice. But worst of all is the shopping of her face. I may be alone in this but they make her look like a man or a shemale. No matter how you slice it this cover is just a huge misfire.

On a slightly more positive note, the video itself isn't quite as bad as the cover. At its core, it's super straightforward. It's just a vanilla sex video with her donning a few different cosplay outfits and engaging in various sex acts inside a hotel room. Nothing terrible unique. For what it's worth the outfits are actually quite nice. The action is pretty solid with a few sex scenes including a threesome and some handjobs. Bolstering all this is Aika's terrific acting. She's very dominant here as she takes control in every scene with convincing energy and facial expressions. Definitely one of the best aspects here. While the cover may be a hot mess, the actual video is solid and worth a watch for any seasoned AIKA fan.

4. HND-246

"Bratty High School Gal - Pregnancy Is Inevitable With The Mating Press!!"

I really could have picked any cover from this series to be represented here. Every single one is like this but some are even worse and hairier. There's clearly one huge glaring problem with this cover and it should be pretty obvious. Can you believe that pose Chinami is making? It just ruins the whole cover and takes away from the beautiful artwork. But no in all seriousness this cover is pretty hideous. Having 50% of the front cover just be a shot of a dude's ass is just no. Who wants to see this? And it's all over the back cover too as if we needed to see more of it. I understand it can be a little hard to showcase the featured position of this film but there has to be a better way than this. 

Now despite this terrible cover maybe the film itself is still enjoyable? That answer is a resounding no. The premise is pretty simple with Chinami playing a "gal" type schoolgirl who gets forcibly fucked against her will. As expected missionary and creampies are the big focus of the scenes. For what it's worth the action isn't too bad with plentiful sex that is rather intense at times. But the submissive nature of the film is a big turn-off personally. This leads to a very underwhelming performance from Chinami. In addition, the last scene features "Taku" who I am not a fan of as his scene devolves into excessive licking and kissing. Plus the camerawork is less ideal with plenty of ass shots of the actors. Just not my cup of tea whatsoever.

3. MIDE-245

"Breaking In A Busty Married Woman With S&M ~Hot Wife Cheats With Her Bondage Instructor"

I'm sorry but who in their right mind thought this was a good look for Hitomi? I don't think I need to explain too much why this cover is so awful-looking. When I started drafting this list I knew right away that this film had to be on it. I absolutely despise the whole tied-up in ropes look. Seeing Hitomi's boobs all wrapped up in ropes isn't such a massive turn-off. It's so unappealing. The actual plot to this is that Hitomi hires a “bondage coach” so she can learn how to handle bondage better. It doesn’t really make any sense. I'm sure there's more to it than that but given that I don't understand Japanese that's the most I can draw from it. Now how about the rest of the video? Well, it's not much better.

The ropes look just completely ruins any potential enjoyment for me.  It's so unattractive while massively constricting the actress and limiting her acting ability. Plus they're almost always used in these darker and moodier films which are just not my cup of tea whatsoever. Moving onto her performance which is exactly what you'd expect. She's mostly submissive and quite whiny with the exception of the final scene which is actually not too bad. She starts to let loose and actually enjoys herself. And for what it's worth it's a well-produced and shot film. Still, though it's not enough to get over the rope look and dumb plot. I absolutely loathe this film and just want to forget it exists.

2. NAZE-06

"Monster Documentary - Legend Of The Kappa"

I'll give this cover and film points for originality if nothing else. It gets your attention that's for sure. I'm sure some of you out there will probably enjoy this cover for its sheer absurdity but I am not one of those people. I think it's pretty unappealing. This is mainly due to the featured actress on the cover. I'm sorry but she is pretty rough especially with that shot on the back cover with her missing teeth. And honestly, none of the other actresses are any better looking. Most of them are in less than ideal shape to put it nicely. The other big turnoff with this cover is the green body paint. I'm just not a fan of it. Again I applaud the cover for its creativity but it's just not for me.

Now as far as the quality of the film itself goes well...what do you expect me to say here. I didn't like it all. The plot involves a group of explorers going to an island to make a documentary about the existence of a creature called a "kappa". These are green, human-like beings with webbed hands and feet and a turtle-like shell on their backs. They eventually find some and of course, have sex with them. The plot is unique and somewhat entertaining but that's all I can say. The actresses here are just not my cup of tea to put it nicely. Performances are pretty terrible, the pacing is a bit unbalanced and bloated and the action is quite a mess with all the group sex. This is one legend that is best left forgotten. 

1. SCG-012

"A Crazy Offline Fuck Fest Double Strong Display"

This is hands down the worst cover art I have ever seen in JAV. Just what the actual fuck were they thinking? In fact, this whole label from Prestige studio is like this. Every single entry features a garbage cover similar to this one. I don't think I need to explain in too much detail what's wrong here. The text all over the cover is just one ugly mess. And it's everywhere too. Then they put a block of text in the left corner as if they needed more. If that wasn't bad enough they muck up the back cover too with even more text. The actual photo used for the cover is pretty drab too. All this makes for one horrendously unappealing cover. And sadly the video itself doesn't fare much better.

The video doesn't really feature much of a plot as it's just a typical one-on-one sex-focused film shot inside a hotel room. It's very plain and dull. Because of this, all the camerawork is shot via handheld and static cameras for the most part. Needless to say, all the camera shots feel pretty amateurish and although I understand that's the goal, it doesn't appeal to me whatsoever. When it comes to her acting she's pretty forgettable. The pacing is pretty slow overall too and the action itself is mediocre containing 2 sex scenes and a painfully boring masturbation-type scene. This film is just straight garbage all around. An all-time worst cover for an equally awful film.