A Shimmy with Shimiken – Tenchim’s Poolside Gleanings from a 10000-JAV Veteran Male Actor

※ The following article chronicles one man's journey of sexual enlightenment over the course of a 10 minute Youtube video. Here is that video, to awaken your third eye with. Sauces for all JAV images can be found by clicking on their Cover.

Sitting before my PC now, just having attained eternal enlightenment after witnessing male veteran JAV star Shimiken’s sermons firsthand, I have a few confessions to make, though they may perhaps not be all as unique to me as the title ‘confessions’ might otherwise imply. The first is that I, being a lusty man eager to bust my nut in everything, still secretly harbour hopes of becoming a porn actor. No, not a pornstar, not to be the one on display, in gleaming, translucent swimsuits with my stiff hot nipples on display, but a porn actor, the guy that gets to stick his hotdog between thick, soft white buns on camera for the world to see, but never really look at. I want to do this because, like many males, I have never actually been part of the JAV world, which is certainly as much hellish as it is sexy.

Tenka Hashimoto, AKA popular Japanese Youtuber, model, and actress Tenchim, looks juuuust fine here in this gravure bathroom getup.

Known for playing the lead character of Mitsuki in the Live Action adaptation of Saikin, Imōto no Yōsu ga Chotto Okashiin Da Ga, better known as ImoCho or ‘the weird KissXSis pretender with chastity belts’, Tenchim’s varied filmography is perhaps less well known than her Youtube channel that covers everything from how she handles her menstrual hygiene needs to cleaning her trash-filled apartment as part of a weekly upload because she’s too lazy to do it herself otherwise.

Oh, and her catchphrase, Iki-shiteru? 息してる？, which is so iconic, it became the name of her 2019 autobiography. (Think 'you breathin’?' but with an added touch of cutesy grammatical error.)

Perhaps one of the strangest parts of Tenchim’s Youtube career is her very prolific association with male veteran porn actor Shimiken – the pair have shot 4 YouTube-friendly videos on her channel with one another – including this interview on the ‘Magic Mirror’ van, where JAVs like SVDVD-821 are filmed. I also really like this beautifully slutty covering of a moan, so I just wanted an excuse to put it here.

Tenchim’s videos are always hilariously edited, like this mock screencap meant to look like those bootleg Chinese JAV uploads. Don’t watch them – only villains do that.

Since Tenchim has never appeared in JAV, all we can do is embrace Jean Baudrillard and settle for a simulcrum - here's lookalike Kurumi Shiiki (くるみ 椎木) taking cock like a champ in HBAD-541.

The second confession, though you may by now have forgotten that I'm confessing, is that I have never been an expert at anything. The oft-touted, erroneous figure of 10,000 hours at anything to achieve mastery might not be entirely true, but it isn’t far from it either. I haven’t spent 10,000 hours in yet another cavity of the woman’s body – I’m not a master of sex, unlike Shimiken. Which was why I had to watch Tenchim’s video on walking around a JAV-filming house with Shimiken; I had to learn from the pros. They say the Gautama Buddha meditated for 49 days on end under a tree to attain true enlightenment; for my brothers and sisters on earth who are unable to watch this 11-minute Japanese Youtube video, which also features Tenchim’s erotic ass, I have come to preach enlightenment. I am here to tell you about 5 things I learnt today about Sex, Adult Videos, and the Universe from the wise words of Shimiken.

1.    Poolside Fucks with Poolside Sluts are not exactly fun.

Picture this – it’s 7p.m., and having come home from a long day of work, you’re off to the gym to relax, except that you’ve forgotten it’s maintenance day, and nothing’s open except the pool. You’ve taken an hour-long bus ride from work and changed into a stupid-looking gym singlet before reading the signs – now, it’s far too late. Nothing to be done for it but to go for a swim – where you notice that you’re the only one around, save for a quiet rippling at the far end of the pool. You do your warm-ups, remembering what your grade school teacher told you. But when you finally move to enter the pool, you see a lithe, wet lady in a tight white bikini stretching her own legs. Watching you.

You too could be this chad, if you only ever went to the gym. Recognise that pool? Yes, you probably do… Along with Tsugumi Morimoto, looking THICC in the foreground, while cute ol’ Ruka Inaba gives you a lick in the back. Double H-Cup Titties Jiggling And Wiggling Big Tits Stuffed Into A Micro Bikini Mid-Summer Poolside Sex, MKMP-348 is labelled, as Yeats and Frost are humbled by the understated elegance of the JAV title as poetry. Truly, they are masters of a craft beyond our own.

You see, the problem with the above scenario, Shimiken notes, while Tenchim freaks out about standing on sperm-splattered tile (ALL the tile there by ‘the pool every man knows’ is sperm-splattered), is that swimsuits, while skin-tight and hot, are very rough. They’re often ‘goosebumped’ in material, and that consistency makes for not rubbing, but chafing. That, and it sucks to fuck on hard poolside tile, doesn’t it? “By the way, where you’re standing… I came loads there before.” The words of a sage, I muse. Temuchin freaks out instead, her thiccness quivering all over the floor. Enlightenment comes in many forms, it seems.

2.    What Happens on the Porn Set, Stays on the Porn Set. Except it doesn’t, and then the porn company has to separate everyone.

Unlike what Shimiken’s ‘hands-on’ approach with Tenchim would have you believe (seriously, he even asks for her home address in the video), you aren’t actually supposed to get into the panties of your co-stars after filming is over.

This might seem like a common case of ‘don’t make a mess where you eat’, but according to Shimiken, relations in the industry aren’t actually uncommon. If you get found out, you get ‘canned’ – separated from one another, and then really f*cked hard by management. Shimiken doesn’t say anything about whether this means death in the industry, but according to various sources I’ve found on the internet, you can apparently be sued for tens of millions of yen for breach of contract – hundreds of thousands of US dollars, for us Western plebeians.

Of course, that doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen – as Shimiken and these sources concur, “we’re all human after all.” That simply means you try your hardest not to get caught. Considering that Shimiken is a consummate professional who goes as far as to order his diet, exercise, and rest routines to give him the best possible form for sex, that should tell us that salacious things simply happen that frequently, enough that everyone in the industry knows of a few cases at any one point or other.

Siri, google ‘How to make Eimi Fukada fall in love with me off set’ please.

Tenchim touts the common view that men pump and dump, while women feel more lingering attachment after having sex, even when it comes to JAV. Shimiken doesn’t deny this – he stares into the distance, rubbing his would-be sage’s beard if he didn’t have to be clean-shaven as a male pornstar. “We all have bonds we can’t break off.” Shimiken has read his Soseki, it seems.

3.    Shimiken has written a book for women on sex itself, and Step 1 goes: “How to Make a Slutty Body – 感じやすいカラダを作る”

‘An all-stripped bare exposé into the lives and allure of our beloved MILF performers!’, says the cover.

Speaking of Soseki, it seems Shimiken’s well on the way to becoming a modern classicist himself, having penned no less than 8 books on sex for the precious enlightenment of the general public. Starring in this video are To the Lady Looking For the Best Sex in the Universe and Shimiken 0.01mm Ultrathin: The Work Life of a Male JAV Star, but it's Shimiken’s bestseller 'Well, I Guess MILFs are the Best After All' that has propelled him into the public eye.

There are a few things to be said for fucking a MILF, but in Shimiken’s words, it’s the way they’re close to motherhood that makes them worth fucking. Given Shimiken’s status as a pure, holy man of the cloth, I’m sure his wanting to be close to mature women has nothing to do with the way their thick curves are bulging out of their dresses even on the cover of his book, but just to be sure (and because I’m a pervert), here’s a look at some MILF performances anyway.

VOLUPTUOUS MARRIED WOMEN NONSTOP SEX, or, if the ALL-CAPS TITLE isn’t attractive enough and you want the Light Novel Title™ version of this video, The Lewd, Slovenly Faces of 10 Fuckmeat Toilets Induced by 26 Loads of Thick, Stinky Semen into their Pussies is what I tend to go to when I need a JAV that’s just nothing but thicc, rippling MILF sex. 

Not a single second passes by without J-cup tits flopping somewhere, and without unnecessary contrivances of plot and structure, this movie trucks on with 4 hours of straight cock-sucking and fucking, making it great for those who want uncomplicated, unconditional fucking like Shimiken. The way many of these actresses have muffin tops, and, in the case of Yura Chitose, a good dose of sweat and steam to their scenes too make them just delectable in the right way.

Perhaps it’s the fact that these actresses have just so much experience too that makes them perfect for Shimiken. When being fucked from the back, Shimiken says that the right thing for a woman to do is to entrust her body to her costar, letting her tits hang lose and letting him handle everything. There clearly isn’t much tension in these performers, and perhaps it’s that comfort that makes things nice and easy for everybody.

The importance of hanging loose is not to be understated, Shimiken states both in this video and in his guidebook, To the Lady Wanting to Meet the World's Greatest Sex.
Let the legs hang loose, and spread open thy gates to the kingdom of heaven. Only then will true divinity descend upon the orgasm, Shimiken writes. I take notes. I do not know why I do. I am not a woman.

Because flexibility of the hips determines how smoothly our pelvic thrusts can go, ‘How to Make a Slutty Body’ is filled with handy exercises one can do on the go to make sex feel good without an overemphasis on the mind.

4.    In the JAV Fuck House, Anything Goes – How only the Women’s Make-up Rooms are Spared the Rod and the Camera

The greatest mark of knowledge and learning is the confidence to challenge norms handed down by those older and more experienced than yourself, and Shimiken is no exception when he challenges great philosopher Professor Oak’s central teaching. It goes:

Just as Descartes famously formulated “I think, therefore I am,” Shimiken must be lauded in this video for his praxis of a philosophical axiom himself – “I can, therefore I coom.” Moving to pleasure himself everywhere from the kitchen counter to on camera in the living room, Tenchim struggles to protect her Youtube channel from the wicked forces of demonetization.

Only when his actions are vehemently protested against by a flustered Tenchim does his philosophical inquiry come to an end – and so he reaches insight once anew, brought on by great meditation.

He teaches:
“There’s a time and place for everything, including where slutty pornstars perform squirting scenes.”

Apparently, only one end of the porn couch can be used for squirting scenes, probably due to set cleanliness reasons (Fun as it sounds, I figure cleaning v-juice off faux leather gets old after the 16th time or so). Known as the “Mankiller”, this specific sofa is tough for male actors to act on, given how bukkake scenes require them to mount the couch and squat over their partner’s face so they can spill their seed all over.

Elsewhere in the JAV house, Shimiken turns out to have performed on everything from the casino tables, to the bar stool, to even the male changing room, which isn’t off-limits from the camera crew either!

Apparently, because of its ostensible appearance as a stereotypical office director’s room, the male changing room is often cleaned and polished to double as an office chair studio, where nature documentaries on the reproductive habits of office ladies are filmed. Complete with a cute little skit by our two precious Youtubers, we learn that the office desk is just roomy enough for an actress to fit into and service a man, while a secretary stands by receiving typical busywork instructions.

I think it’ll be a while before she returns those documents; she’s working on something a little hard to swallow right now.

While I couldn’t find any fully-office themed JAV filmed entirely in this men’s room, a fact probably owed to how different the JAV house is from an actual office, I did see in my old Homework folder a picture of an old friend, which I spent copious amounts of time researching.

For some reason, my copy of renowned nature documentary GS-080, had David Attenborough dubbed over in Japanese, so I had no choice but to look to the Discovery Channel.

That isn’t to say that there isn’t any place in the JAV house safe from Shimiken Sex Suplexes, a fact I learnt firsthand from Tenchim in the video. The woman’s changing room, which actually has a nice fluffy bed, a TV, and even a bunch of caringly prepared snacks, is universally considered a safe zone, presumably so all female stars can rest, fuel up, and get themselves ready for some good ol’-fashioned snatch attack. A particularly nice touch is the way those energy bars and refreshing drinks are lined up on the table, telling us that, even in an industry as electrically charged as JAV, there’s a time and place for letting all go.

5.    The Physiology of Sex Starts from the Bedroom!

Kongou ShimiTen is my favourite ship.

Finally, when our two stars pop into the newlyweds bedroom, described as very much ‘hime’ (princessy) by Tenchim, a wizened Shimiken reminds her that not only has the bed she’s lying on been cummed on by him, it’s also a very conducive bed to maritial relations.

While we might assume that such a fluffy, ‘sink-y’ bed presents an obstacle to the bouncing motions of sex, Shimiken notes that this tendency of the male to sink during sex on a fluffy bed means the woman can lie flat with her backbone supported, while the man, in a kneeling position, penetrates her head on.

This helps to relieve Tenchim’s worries somewhat, which might stem from her very own ultra-soft bedroom – described by Tenchim as a ‘cushion that transforms me into a useless mess’. Given how she’s very frequently compared by her viewers and herself to anime’s favourite slovenly little sister Umaru, those bottles and game consoles by her bedside might just be there 24/7.

It's a little terrifying that the observer simply can't tell where the cushions start and the bed ends.

“Might a woman that’s become all puffy from food and drink cause performance issues in a man?” Tenchim asks, no doubt for a friend.
“Not at all,” Shimiken advises. “Alcohol and being full are huge problems for men themselves, but in a woman, an appropriate amount of alcohol helps them get into the mood better.”

“For that reason, when a JAV is being filmed, all the male actors are actually walking around kinda half-famished.”

The question is a good one – because sex when you’re ‘out-of-it’ is so damn difficult, it’s simpler to just make sure you’re always in the mood in the first place. In the real world, this means keeping a conducive bedroom, always trying new things.

Drag as in drink, not cross-dressing – Hirose Riona is a svelte, slim lady with the perfect chops for a slutty scene like this, and attached to the incredible production value (and brilliantly clear cameras!) of SOD, this “Hyper-Charged Sex Party With A Blond Cosplay Gal” is absolutely WHORISH in its scope.

Just be sure to stay hydrated and always be ready to separate between sex and romance, as Shimiken warns. Just as great monk Shimiken can separate the true way from his earthly desires, one must be able to separate sex friends from true lovers - a dichotomy Shimiken further discusses in his channel's version of this Poolside Discussion, which is far less about JAV production than it is about the nitty-gritty of human relations in the face of sex.

If all of this Youtube discussion has made you thirsty for more Tenchim (Tenka Hashimoto!), or perhaps, more Shimiken, their personal channels and this beautiful gravure shot of Tenchim might be of interest to you.

Tenchim can be found here, Shimiken's here, and that gravure shot here:

All that said and done, if it's something else spicier you're after, though, perhaps the other entries on this blog might be better – who knows, you might just find an even greater pool of porn to swim in! Like the JAV House and this article, the whole JAV universe is full of vibrant, differing entries from every genre under the sun... and what better way to discover it than through the words of learned gurus?